Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize