that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
