Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize