She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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