Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
