he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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