yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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