1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
