I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
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