just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
