forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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