Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
