I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
