Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
