like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
