so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
