I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
