I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm like, not good at living.
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