Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
