he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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