There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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