Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
