the condom got lost in my hair
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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