I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
