that's an acceptable place to lick
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
