Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
