This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
