To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
