he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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