I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
