oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
