last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This is the high leading the old right now
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
