I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
