I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
