I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
