I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
