This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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