he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
