Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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