margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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