so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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