she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
