We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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