How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
