You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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