Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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