last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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