I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
