he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Let's paint friendship bongs
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
