its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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