he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
