Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
zippers are such a cool invention
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
