dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
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