can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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