oh god the rape fog is back!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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