i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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