So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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