I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
