Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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