If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
