I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
