chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
