I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
