She said her name was "party"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
