There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
