That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
