Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
